Correspondence From Limbo

“Now I’m stuck inside a vision that repeats, repeats, repeats, repeats, repeats…”

Repeats, Julien Baker

Following the release of its recent remake, I’ve been playing Risk of Rain again.

It’s something of a comfort game. I can put the game on alongside a podcast and play it for hours, bashing my head against a wall as I try to reach the final stage (figuratively, of course.)

For the uninitiated, Risk of Rain is a roguelike, part of a sub-genre of role-playing video games where players go through procedurally generated levels, with permanent death and having to start the game again to complete different “runs” part of the built-in experience. The player takes the role of a survivor of a spaceship which crashed on a mysterious planet and must make their way back to the main body of the ship to escape.

The way to progress through the levels is by finding a teleporter on each level and using it to summon that level’s boss. Once it is defeated you can then progress to the next level. It sounds simple, but once you combine the high number of regularly spawning enemies and the fact that your character has the durability of wet tissue paper at the beginning of the game, it all becomes a lot more difficult.

It’s pretty fun. While I like other roguelikes such as Hades, FTL or Enter The Gungeon, Risk of Rain has a special place in my heart due to its outstanding visual design and incredibly catchy soundtrack. The game also has some unique twists that help it stand out. Items are plentiful and offer beneficial effects, enticing players to hunt for gold to open chests and search out new buffs. However, the game’s difficulty increases the longer the run goes on, with stronger, harder-hitting enemies spawning – something which instead incentivises players to speed through levels as fast as they can.

Helping to make the game stand out is that the character you choose at the start of your run will dramatically affect your abilities and how the game plays. The Commando is a good all-rounder, while the Bandit works best at taking down single enemies quickly and playing with ability cooldowns – meanwhile, the Engineer instead focuses on building traps and bombs to destroy enemies. Saying that no run would be the same if you were to change your character after each attempt is, of course, an understatement.

But I’m digressing, at least slightly.

I’ve been trapped in my own little roguelike, and things aren’t really changing. I’ve been quite depressed over the past few months, and it’s made me fall back into repetitive behaviour.

I don’t have much time before work, but when I come home I usually spend my evenings doing the same things. I get changed, eat dinner, do some homework, make some lunch for the next day and then spend the rest of the evening playing games on my Switch while watching YouTube videos or something on Netflix.

It’s rather disheartening, especially since nothing is changing. While it is somewhat relaxing, and I do enjoy watching all those episodes of Frasier, it has left me feeling quite empty.

Even when you’re doing the same things over and over again in Risk of Rain there is still a sense of forward progression, something that I feel has been lacking in my personal life. I’m trapped inside a depressing routine where nothing changes and there is no way out.

I’m taking some small steps here and there though to change things. I’m trying my best to see friends, go to new places and meet new people, but it’s all slow going at the moment.

I just have to hope that change will come and that I’ll get out of these cycles. Until then, I’ll keep challenging Risk of Rain, bashing my head into its walls until I can make some forward progress.

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Thanks for reading this little piece on Risk of Rain. It’s not as good as I wanted it to be, but it’s been a while since I’ve written a piece like this and I think it’s a good start. I want to get back into writing for myself, so you can hopefully expect to see more pieces like this down the line. Who knows, some of them might even be less fatalistic.